5 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together


5 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together

If you’ve been in a relationship for an extended period of time [or maybe not, that’s cool too], you’ve probably started thinking about the next step: moving in together [ooh lala]. Let’s be real here – moving in with your boo is a big step because you’re agreeing to not only share space, but you’re lives too. You’re going to see each other in your day-to-day routines and shit is going to get real [you can’t hide that retainer for forever]. If you’re considering moving in together just to save money, you really should stop reading this and agree to hold off on the shared space thing – that should never be your prime motivation for taking that next step. However, wanting to spend more time together and take your relationship to the next level? That’s the good stuff.

When you move in together, things change and there are things to consider that weren’t even on the table before. I’ve come up with 5 things to discuss before moving in together because obviously I’m a love guru that has all the answers [not]. While these are factors I have deemed important, I’d love to hear what you think! So give this a little read, laugh at my general weirdness, and then holler at me in the comment section below.

Happy reading, lovebirds –

1. When will you get alone time/girl time/bro time/whateverBasically you need to figure out when you will spend time apart from each other [absence makes the heart grow fonder, yo]. When you move in together, you obviously spend a lot more time together than before. If you’re the type of person that needs time alone to detox and get your mojo back, you need to communicate with your partner and agree to set aside time where you guys go and do your own thing – especially if they are the type that wants to spend a lot of time together. If you don’t discuss this before moving in, you run the risk of her/him getting their feelings hurt later on, or both of you feeling like your needs aren’t being met.

2. Who is paying for what? Before you move in together, you need to discuss what portion of each bill you will be paying. Money has the potential to be one of the biggest issues in a relationship [mo’ money, mo’ problems], so it’s important to make a financial plan beforehand. Who will be paying the rent? Buying groceries? Covering moving costs? These are all things to consider. Also, it’s important to take into account if someone makes more money than the other. If you’re making 50K a year and your boo is only making 28K, it might not make sense [or be possible] to split everything 50/50.

3. What does moving in together mean? It’s mucho important to talk about what your expectations are for moving in. If you think moving in together is just a great way for you both to save money [why are you still reading this?] and he/she thinks it is a sign that a marriage proposal is in the near future, you’re both going to run into trouble. Make it clear what moving in together means to each of you and make sure you’re both on the same page before the move.

4. Who will be in charge of what? Talk about who will be doing what chores, grocery shopping, etc. or if you will be taking turns. Also, talk about your cleaning habits and tell your partner if there is a certain way you like things done. It can get heated very quickly if you’re the type to clean your dishes right after eating and your S.O. likes to let them ‘soak’ overnight [AKA put them in hot water and let them sit because you’re too lazy to do them right now]. If you tell each other your pet peeves right away and agree to split chores 50/50, everything will be just peachy.

5. Who is keeping what/what is your decorating style? When two people move in together, there is a lot of stuffs. Unless you’re moving into a huge house with room for duplicate furniture, you’re going to need to downsize and get rid of someone’s couch/dishes/etc. Go through each other’s stuff together and decide what will go in the new shared space, and what will be donated/trashed. Also, talk about how you will be merging styles and remember to compromise. For example, my personal style is very decorated – I like pictures, shelves full of books, painted walls, eclectic furniture, blah blah. My boyfriend’s style is very minimalistic and he prefers to have only what is necessary – no clutter. These styles are totally opposite. If you and your partner are like this, you’ll need to talk about how you will be decorating the new space so you can both be comfortable and happy. Compromise is key.

If you’re thinking about moving in, there is just one rule to follow and everything will be just fine: communicate. Be open with each other, talk about your feelings, and everything will be perfect, darling. Good luck!

Readers: Any tips you’d like to add? Have you moved in with a boyfriend/girlfriend? What did you guys do to stay happy in your shared space?

4 thoughts on “5 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together

  1. I’ve lived with several women, Only one was a girlfriend; the others were older ladies who rented out rooms.

    Your points are very good – much better that what I envisioned at the time(s). With all of these women I found a couple of items that seemed to resonate, some of which dovetail yours:

    Cleanliness: this is a big deal. I hate clutter and the women did not seem to mind it. But they hated dust, fingerprints and smells – none of which I detected.
    Thermostat: I like it cold and these women liked the house a lot warmer.
    Living Attire: some ladies like to walk around their own homes modestly clothed; others do not. Not that everyone in the home has to be in accord, but to some degree, the home has a certain ‘tone.’ If she is formally clothed and I am practically naked, it seems to cause conflict – or reifies roles.
    Communication: ultimately, this is key. Obviously the two of you are together because you like each other. Living together is an opportunity to get to know this special person QUITE well.

    • I agree, I always feel like cleanliness is a big deal.. Just because everyone has a different definition of what ‘clean’ is. Thanks for the response! 🙂

  2. Ashley P.

    Also, figure out the amount of “quiet time” your other half needs after a long day. That was the biggest struggle for us…I loved catching up about the day right when I walked in the door. My hubby on the other hand needs about 30 minutes of quiet time to recoup after a hard day at work. Once we figured that system out, it was smooth sailing in the evenings!

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