Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing – you get to share your life with someone and together you get to make memories, experience life, and hopefully share in an adventure that is kick ass. Love is beautiful.
However, no relationship is perfect. Every couple has problems and conflict happens. Fortunately, most of these ‘problems’ aren’t very serious. If they were serious all the time, you most likely wouldn’t be with this person – right? [the correct answer to that is yes, BTW].
Couples – especially ones that have been together for an extended period of time – sometimes fight about the MOST STUPID things ever. Although you’ll most like laugh about these ridiculous little tiffs later on, I can guarantee that the little rumble won’t feel very funny when you’re actually experiencing it in real time.
So, these stupid fights. These could be about anything. Maybe your boo didn’t boil the water before he started to make the mac and cheese. Or maybe they made fun of your 3rd grade picture. Or maybe you saw your S.O. steal a few extra dollars from the Monopoly bank. Whatever.
The point is, a lot of these fights are stupid and can sometimes be spotted and stopped before they escalate. However, not all fights are going to be as easy to label as fighting about being a Monopoly cheater.
How to pick your battles in love.
Picking your battles in love takes patience and critical thinking. It means looking at the situation you’re in and really analyzing it. To hopefully help you evaluate whether it’s worth it to fight or not, here are a few questions I like to ask myself before I let loose the hounds of hell on my unsuspecting boo:
- How do I really feel about this? Take a moment to really look at your feelings and evaluate what you’re actually upset about. When you take a hard look at the situation and breathe for a second, you might realize that you’re not angry at your significant other.
Maybe you had a really crappy day at work and it seemed like nothing was going right. If you felt like crap all day, you might just be taking those negative feelings out on your S.O. If that’s the case, take a step back and chill out.
Go for a walk, take a hot bath, pat your head and rub your stomach, whatever you need to do. Just avoid fighting with your beau simply because you’ve had a crap day and need to use someone as a verbal punching bag.
2. Does this really affect my life? Maybe you’re annoyed that your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse doesn’t fold his or her socks in their sock drawer. Unless your socks are in the same drawer and it’s really inconveniencing you, let it go.
There may be chaos in their dresser, but that chaos isn’t reaching out and turning your life into a mess. Better to just move on and focus on more important things.
3. Does this happen all the time? Is it a recurring thing or this is the first time it’s happened?
Lets say that your significant other is late for dinner one night. You’ve been waiting for awhile and you’re worrying like crazy. If they come home, explain why they’re late, and it’s not something that happens EVERY night – drop it.
However, if they are showing up late almost every time you have dinner together and/or offer no explanation as to why they are running behind, you should probably say something. Repeatedly disrespecting/hurting your feelings is much more serious and should be addressed.
4. Did they do it on purpose? Did your partner make an offhand comment about your outfit that unintentionally hurt your feelings? Or maybe they criticized your cooking without knowing you actually made it?
If there was no malicious intent behind it, just drop it. We all say stupid things, and some of us need medical assistance with how far we put our foot in our mouths. It happens.
If it really hurt your feelings (like maybe you worked all day on that meal), mention it to them. Most likely, they’ll apologize immediately and talk about how scrumptious your disgusting meal actually is.
DON’T go on the offense with them and attack them for their comment. Just chill, man.
So I’ve given you a few questions to ask yourself to assist you with picking your battles in love. However, I want to stress that these questions are what I have found to work for my relationship. If I’m about to take my boyfriend to Chinatown, I ask myself these questions and then decide whether a fight is actually worth it or just something stupid that can be brushed off.
These questions may work for you and they may not. You need to find what works best for your relationship, and the only way to do that is to go with your gut. If your gut is telling you to say something, no matter how stupid, you should mention it to your partner. Communication is the key to making a relationship work. 🙂
So readers: how do you decide if a fight is worth it? Do you have questions you ask yourself to help defuse a potential fight?