How to Pick Your Battles in Love

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How to Pick Your Battles in Love

Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing – you get to share your life with someone and together you get to make memories, experience life, and hopefully share in an adventure that is kick ass. Love is beautiful.

However, no relationship is perfect. Every couple has problems and conflict happens. Fortunately, most of these ‘problems’ aren’t very serious. If they were serious all the time, you most likely wouldn’t be with this person – right? [the correct answer to that is yes, BTW].

Couples – especially ones that have been together for an extended period of time – sometimes fight about the MOST STUPID things ever. Although you’ll most like laugh about these ridiculous little tiffs later on, I can guarantee that the little rumble won’t feel very funny when you’re actually experiencing it in real time.

So, these stupid fights. These could be about anything. Maybe your boo didn’t boil the water before he started to make the mac and cheese. Or maybe they made fun of your 3rd grade picture. Or maybe you saw your S.O. steal a few extra dollars from the Monopoly bank. Whatever.

The point is, a lot of these fights are stupid and can sometimes be spotted and stopped before they escalate. However, not all fights are going to be as easy to label as fighting about being a Monopoly cheater.

How to pick your battles in love.

Picking your battles in love takes patience and critical thinking. It means looking at the situation you’re in and really analyzing it. To hopefully help you evaluate whether it’s worth it to fight or not, here are a few questions I like to ask myself before I let loose the hounds of hell on my unsuspecting boo:

  1. How do I really feel about this? Take a moment to really look at your feelings and evaluate what you’re actually upset about. When you take a hard look at the situation and breathe for a second, you might realize that you’re not angry at your significant other.

Maybe you had a really crappy day at work and it seemed like nothing was going right. If you felt like crap all day, you might just be taking those negative feelings out on your S.O. If that’s the case, take a step back and chill out.

Go for a walk, take a hot bath, pat your head and rub your stomach, whatever you need to do. Just avoid fighting with your beau simply because you’ve had a crap day and need to use someone as a verbal punching bag.

2. Does this really affect my life? Maybe you’re annoyed that your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse doesn’t fold his or her socks in their sock drawer. Unless your socks are in the same drawer and it’s really inconveniencing you, let it go. 

There may be chaos in their dresser, but that chaos isn’t reaching out and turning your life into a mess. Better to just move on and focus on more important things.

3. Does this happen all the time? Is it a recurring thing or this is the first time it’s happened?

Lets say that your significant other is late for dinner one night. You’ve been waiting for awhile and you’re worrying like crazy. If they come home, explain why they’re late, and it’s not something that happens EVERY night – drop it.

However, if they are showing up late almost every time you have dinner together and/or offer no explanation as to why they are running behind, you should probably say something. Repeatedly disrespecting/hurting your feelings is much more serious and should be addressed.

4. Did they do it on purpose? Did your partner make an offhand comment about your outfit that unintentionally hurt your feelings? Or maybe they criticized your cooking without knowing you actually made it?

If there was no malicious intent behind it, just drop it. We all say stupid things, and some of us need medical assistance with how far we put our foot in our mouths. It happens.

If it really hurt your feelings (like maybe you worked all day on that meal), mention it to them. Most likely, they’ll apologize immediately and talk about how scrumptious your disgusting meal actually is.

DON’T go on the offense with them and attack them for their comment. Just chill, man.

So I’ve given you a few questions to ask yourself to assist you with picking your battles in love. However, I want to stress that these questions are what I have found to work for my relationship. If I’m about to take my boyfriend to Chinatown, I ask myself these questions and then decide whether a fight is actually worth it or just something stupid that can be brushed off.

These questions may work for you and they may not. You need to find what works best for your relationship, and the only way to do that is to go with your gut. If your gut is telling you to say something, no matter how stupid, you should mention it to your partner. Communication is the key to making a relationship work. 🙂

So readers: how do you decide if a fight is worth it? Do you have questions you ask yourself to help defuse a potential fight?

5 Things to Do When You Start to Overthink

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5 Things to Do When You Start to Brood1

We all have our moments in life where we ‘brood’ over things.. It’s natural to reflect on upsetting thoughts such as distressing confrontations or conversations that lead to a fight with a boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/loved one/etc. It’s perfectly okay to think about these things for awhile and let them soak in your brain – but then it’s important to let it go.

Why? Let me give you a few reasons –

    • Brooding constantly and for an extended period of time can lead to depression.
    • It can lead to spiraling [oh hellll no], which is when one negative thought brings to mind another negative thought and another… And then that original negative thought has turned into a “my whole life is a disaster and I don’t deserve to be happy”.
    • Stewing about upsetting things puts you in a shitty mood [obvi], which in turn increases the chance you’ll turn to alcohol or binge eating [“pizza, you’re my only friend!” *sobs*]
    • All that negativity can really take a toll on you physically and mentally. In fact, all that stress can put you at the risk of developing cardiovascular disease [don’t phunk with my heart, yo].

If you didn’t take the time to read those bullet points, let me sum it up for you: brooding makes you feel like shit. Brooding over negative thoughts and events only hurts you, and does nothing to help you get over the event or conversation that’s causing you trouble to begin with. What’s the point in that?.

5 Things to Do When You Start to Brood

I’m not saying it’s easy trying to get over something – especially if that something was extremely hurtful or traumatizing. All I’m saying is that you need to actively work on letting it go. It’s going to be challenging, but I can promise you that your mind will feel healthier and your spirit will feel happier.

SO.

For those moments when the negative thoughts really won’t go away, here are 5 things to do when you start to overthink:

  1. Take a drive, turn on your favorite song [unless your favorite song is depressing.. if that’s the case, listen to the Beach Boys or something], and sing your heart out! You’ll feel so much better when the only thing you’re really thinking about is the next line to the song you’re listening to. Plus, singing in the car is awesome.
  2. If running is your thing, go for a jog! Endorphins are released when you exercise, which in turn reduces any feelings of pain or distress, making you feel happy. 🙂
  3. Watch a movie. Preferably one that is not about the event/conversation that’s causing you stress in the first place.
  4. Talk sweetly to yourself. Okay, so this one sounds a little crazy.. but if you find yourself in an overthinking/brooding situation, give yourself a little pep talk! Actively push the negative thoughts away, and then think about things you like about yourself, why you deserve to be happy, why you’re an awesome human being, etc.
  5. Give your best friend or your mom a call. Actually, you can give anyone a call, as long as they are someone you really enjoy talking to and know they will listen. Then, vent away or talk about something else entirely! Sometimes hearing a friendly voice and laughing with someone you care about can pop you right out of your funk.

Whatever you’re going through, I totally get it. Just keep your chin up and keep on trucking! I’m sending good vibes your way. ❤

5 Things to Do When You Start to Brood1

5 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together

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5 Things to Discuss Before Moving in Together

If you’ve been in a relationship for an extended period of time [or maybe not, that’s cool too], you’ve probably started thinking about the next step: moving in together [ooh lala]. Let’s be real here – moving in with your boo is a big step because you’re agreeing to not only share space, but you’re lives too. You’re going to see each other in your day-to-day routines and shit is going to get real [you can’t hide that retainer for forever]. If you’re considering moving in together just to save money, you really should stop reading this and agree to hold off on the shared space thing – that should never be your prime motivation for taking that next step. However, wanting to spend more time together and take your relationship to the next level? That’s the good stuff.

When you move in together, things change and there are things to consider that weren’t even on the table before. I’ve come up with 5 things to discuss before moving in together because obviously I’m a love guru that has all the answers [not]. While these are factors I have deemed important, I’d love to hear what you think! So give this a little read, laugh at my general weirdness, and then holler at me in the comment section below.

Happy reading, lovebirds –

1. When will you get alone time/girl time/bro time/whateverBasically you need to figure out when you will spend time apart from each other [absence makes the heart grow fonder, yo]. When you move in together, you obviously spend a lot more time together than before. If you’re the type of person that needs time alone to detox and get your mojo back, you need to communicate with your partner and agree to set aside time where you guys go and do your own thing – especially if they are the type that wants to spend a lot of time together. If you don’t discuss this before moving in, you run the risk of her/him getting their feelings hurt later on, or both of you feeling like your needs aren’t being met.

2. Who is paying for what? Before you move in together, you need to discuss what portion of each bill you will be paying. Money has the potential to be one of the biggest issues in a relationship [mo’ money, mo’ problems], so it’s important to make a financial plan beforehand. Who will be paying the rent? Buying groceries? Covering moving costs? These are all things to consider. Also, it’s important to take into account if someone makes more money than the other. If you’re making 50K a year and your boo is only making 28K, it might not make sense [or be possible] to split everything 50/50.

3. What does moving in together mean? It’s mucho important to talk about what your expectations are for moving in. If you think moving in together is just a great way for you both to save money [why are you still reading this?] and he/she thinks it is a sign that a marriage proposal is in the near future, you’re both going to run into trouble. Make it clear what moving in together means to each of you and make sure you’re both on the same page before the move.

4. Who will be in charge of what? Talk about who will be doing what chores, grocery shopping, etc. or if you will be taking turns. Also, talk about your cleaning habits and tell your partner if there is a certain way you like things done. It can get heated very quickly if you’re the type to clean your dishes right after eating and your S.O. likes to let them ‘soak’ overnight [AKA put them in hot water and let them sit because you’re too lazy to do them right now]. If you tell each other your pet peeves right away and agree to split chores 50/50, everything will be just peachy.

5. Who is keeping what/what is your decorating style? When two people move in together, there is a lot of stuffs. Unless you’re moving into a huge house with room for duplicate furniture, you’re going to need to downsize and get rid of someone’s couch/dishes/etc. Go through each other’s stuff together and decide what will go in the new shared space, and what will be donated/trashed. Also, talk about how you will be merging styles and remember to compromise. For example, my personal style is very decorated – I like pictures, shelves full of books, painted walls, eclectic furniture, blah blah. My boyfriend’s style is very minimalistic and he prefers to have only what is necessary – no clutter. These styles are totally opposite. If you and your partner are like this, you’ll need to talk about how you will be decorating the new space so you can both be comfortable and happy. Compromise is key.

If you’re thinking about moving in, there is just one rule to follow and everything will be just fine: communicate. Be open with each other, talk about your feelings, and everything will be perfect, darling. Good luck!

Readers: Any tips you’d like to add? Have you moved in with a boyfriend/girlfriend? What did you guys do to stay happy in your shared space?

21 Unconventional Date Ideas

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21 Unconventional Date Ideas

After you’ve been in a relationship for an extended period of time, the usual movie/dinner date night can start to feel a little stale. This doesn’t mean that your relationship is stale or things are going downhill for you as a couple, it simply means that doing the same old thing can start to get a little boring. To keep things nice and fresh between you and your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife/boo thang/whatever, I’d like to present: 21Unconventional Date Ideas [dun dun DUN].

While I’ve come up with a few creative activities [I even impressed myself.], I’d love to hear what you and your significant other do to keep date nights fun and exciting. If you have an unconventional date night idea that you don’t see on this list, feel free to add it to the comment section below!

Without further ado..

1. Play Bartender! Look up drink recipes and buy the ingredients [like this fruity summer sangria.. mmm REFRESHING.] OR challenge each other to make a concoction using only ingredients you currently have in the house. Even if the drinks you make are totally disgusting, you’ll still get a laugh!

2. Organize a game night. Invite other friends to come over and partner up with your boo.

3. Coffee drinkers? Why not go grab a drink at the small hole in the wall you’ve been meaning to try? If you think you can handle the caffeine buzz, spend a couple hours checking out a couple different coffee shops and try something new at every one! [Bonus points if you look dark and brooding.]

4. Write a story. So maybe you don’t actually have to sit down and type up a lengthy manuscript, but why not grab a pad of paper and a pen and tell a story! Take turns adding characters/plot twists/details and see if you can write the next best-seller.

21 Unconventional Date Ideas5. Learn a few magic tricks together. Check out YouTube and learn a trick or two that you can use later to score free drinks from your friends! [Blew your mind, bitches. Now buy me a drink!]

6. Visit a Farmer’s Market. Depending on the time of year, a Farmer’s Market is a great place to visit with your significant other! Browse the fresh produce and pig out on fresh baked goods. As a bonus, you’ll be able to support your local economy and get to know exactly where your food is coming from.

7. Go to a Thrift Store/Antique Store and challenge each other to see who can find the craziest item. I say ‘craziest’ to be as general as possible – you two make the rules!

8. Check out the local arcade. Stock up on quarters and let your inner child run free! [Not too free.. Bring hand sanitizer.]

9. Do you and your beau have phrases you use a lot? [e.g., “That’s what she said.”] Challenge each other not to say that phrase for the remainder of the day. Winner gets five bucks/kisses/etc., loser has to give the winner a back massage.

10. Go on a bike ride! The best part about this date is that it’s free. 

11. Go to a trivia night. Depending on the area you live in, local bars and/or churches [talk about two ends of the spectrum!] will host trivia nights. Invite other couples and come up with a goofy team name.

12. Plan a trip! Even if you don’t have the money to go on one right now, pick a place you’d like to visit and plan a road trip – don’t forget to include all the spots you’d like to stop along the way!

13. Window shop. Grab your boo and go for a walk around the local mall. You’ll be able to people watch, check out cool new stores, and get a little exercise too.

14. Karaoke. If you’re like me, you’re actually terrified to get up on a stage and sing in front of a large crowd of people. If that’s the case, turn on some music that you both know and dance around your place together. Sing as loudly as you can and generally just have fun being goofy and silly in the comfort of your own home. [Your neighbors will most likely not thank you.]

15. Take a cooking class! You’ll both learn to cook a new meal and enjoy great food [and wine.. there’s wine, RIGHT?]. If you’re a little strapped for cash, look up a new recipe or check out a cooking tutorial online!

16. Visit a brewery. If you’re dating/married to a male, you’re already winning with this one.

17. Grab another couple and go out for a “Progressive Dinner”. This new way of dating is where you get your appetizer, entrees, drinks and desserts, all at different places.
21 Unconventional Date Ideas1

18. Stargazing/picnic. Pack a few romantic snacks [e.g., chocolate covered strawberries.. basically, I’d be down with anything chocolate covered.] and visit a place where you can get a clear view of the night sky.

19.Volunteer together! If you are from Michigan, I highly recommend the Heidelberg Project.

20. Ask questions! Whether you’re a new couple or not, there’s always things you might not know about your SO. [What is your favorite M&M color?] Get creative and ask away!

21. Binge watch a new show on Netflix. Spend the night curled up on the couch with your favorite snacks and watch a new series – your wallet will thank you.